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I DON’T WANT TO because I DON’T FEEL LIKE IT and therefore I’M NOT GOING TO!

"...And furthermore I have several good reasons why I shouldn’t. Profound insights into cerebrally bizarre and disjointed arguments that support me in my conclusions. And it is all thoroughly supported by anecdotal evidence that I have carefully gleamed from television, even though I can’t remember if it was a sitcom or National Geographic.

If you would only do your homework then you too would come across very convincing testimony from people, very believable people. If you would just search YouTube with the right words and filters, I’m positive you could find a person with a doctorate degree give a twenty minute lecture that absolutely proves what I am saying. I don’t know what his doctorate is in, or where he got it from, but he is a very smart person because it said so in the introduction.

I also have a very good friend who I have known for a very long time, and she would never lie to me, and she absolutely agrees with me and even feels the same way I do about this. Plus, she has other friends who agree with her too! So practically everyone believes what I’m thinking. Really if you would just think about it without all your prejudice you would have to agree. You’re just being stubborn!

And besides, I don’t want to, because I don’t feel like it and therefore I’m not going to!"

And on and on I argue with this wee small voice which is annoyingly calm, persistent and authoritative. He slowly wears away at my self-deception; my stubbornness and intransigence. He has this annoying little habit of repeating what I say so that even I, deep down, know it doesn’t make sense.

Why won’t He let me? Doesn’t He understand that I don’t want to because I don’t feel like it?

But when I am exhausted with arguing and my defences are down I recognize that what He really wants is for me to walk in truth. That He loves me. He believes that I am made for more, for better, for that which is nobler and profoundly more satisfying. He wants me to trust Him and to know His presence and power in me; enabling me.

And as I take time to think about that, I find this slight, ever so tiny effervescent thrill bubbling up through my heart and I start thinking, “What if I did? What if I could?”

But doesn’t he know that I still don’t feel like it? Because it will be hard, and I’ll feel uncomfortable. And nobody I know will be with me. There will be a cost and I don’t feel like paying it.

And expecting Him to soothe me, to magically say words that will convert my feelings so that I will feel like it, I go to Him and He says “Pick up your cross and follow me.”


Written by Merv Budd, TM Evangelist. (


About Merv:

Merv is the Senior Pastor at North Burlington Baptist Church as well as the Ontario Regional Director for the Forge Missional Training Network. He is a covenanted Evangelist with Threshold Ministries and a gifted and passionate Evangelist who is helping to lead his congregation to reach beyond themselves. Merv is regularly sought after to teach in the area of missiology and evangelism. He is also an Adjunct Lecturer with Threshold School of Ministry.